Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
