Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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