I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize