So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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