Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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