Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
