omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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