6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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