wakey wakey hands off snakey
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
