i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
