here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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