This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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