she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
