just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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