Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
