Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize