so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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