You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
vagina is talking i cant
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
