If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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