Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
