If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
