just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
