dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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