he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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