Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
