when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
