he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
