can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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