we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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