He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
