Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I understand Curling. That high.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
