I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
