I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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