i think i have two assholes
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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