When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
