i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
