I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
