I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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