P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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