So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
