Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
