don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
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