Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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