I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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