I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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