I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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