I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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