Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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