I'm so fucking centered right now
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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