Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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