who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just gift wrapped bread.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
