I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
