I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
