Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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