You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
