is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
