you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
