I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dear god my vagina.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
