You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
