On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
