yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
