my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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