I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
