dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you traded sex for a burrito?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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