i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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