Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
