Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I have post one night stand depression
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