We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
