there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
