i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
