Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
