Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize