Can i not drive my cunt home
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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