Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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