are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
