My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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