Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
