so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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