just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize